Release Me

I have been trying to get this out of me for a while. Music has played a critical role in my life for the last month. I lived with out it for a week, by choice. I really felt lost. I still do. I will for a while. That's ok. Things happen to me everyday that throw my life out of wack. I am failing in school right now. Well failing for me. I'm just apathetic to most situations. I realize I can be a dramatic person, I'm ok with that. I just have to better deal with it someway. I was really afraid of the new Jack's cd. I thought it'd be really really hard for me. I love this girl. I can't help but love her. I lost her. That's life. My cousin said she would be more than bitter if it happened to her. But I'm not bitter. I'm just lost. I don't know how to be bitter about that. She's happy, and I really am happy about that. I'm just lost. But this song, it helped me find a little strength lately.

I've been running such a long time,
I've been hiding from the truth,
I've been better,
been broken,
been buried,
Now I'm death proof.

I feel like this is one of the best ways to say that line that has been over done in over a hundred songs. That which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. It's a fact of life. Our trails temper us like steal. I don't know how hard God plans to temper me, but I know He will. And I am ok with that. I trust in my Master's hands. I know God is real. I know He is involved in our daily lives. He cares more about us than we do ourselves. I feel that love so much everyday. So much. I just wish I knew how to release my own inabilities. I wish I could put off my frailties better. I wish I could not let my happiness pivot on the things I can't change. I'm a better man than I was yesterday, but I've got so far to go.