Out of My Head

Haven't posted in a long time. That doesn't mean nothings been going on in my life. Just that I am utterly lame and suck at this whole blogging thing. I also suck at the whole expressing who I am and what not. I really do like to write and just kinda put emotions to words. I feel flawed in my words. But its nice to get them out and onto paper.
I chose "Out of my Head" by Fastball to kinda show my mood today. Sometimes in life I just don't know what I am doing, ok honestly this isn't a sometime thing I would say 95% of the time I haven't a clue. I make plans and they don't happen. I see things and they aren't right. I follow my heart and it leads me to what I think are dead ends. Truth be told I have learned that when I follow my heart I never hit a dead end, just a road that goes in a direction I didn't expect. And that r0ad always prepares me to walk a better road.
But still from time to time I am just like "WHY THE HECK DID I DO THAT?". Admittedly I have made many a wrong choice and it often comes back to bit me in the butt. I don't know. Today I guess I just learned to trust my gut. Trust the possibilities and go with the flow, but be willing to swim when you know you need to. Today I feel like swimming. Doing what I can to have what I want. I don't know if what I want in life is always the best but eh, That's a mistake I am willing to make. What if it's not a mistake? That's a greater risk.
There is always more than one way to say exactly what you mean to say.
I love the guitar solo in the middle of the song. Its so simple but its totally something you can get your own personal grove on to.

Say

I had a good talk with a great friend tonight. Its amazing how much the world can get to each of us and weigh us down. We just sat there and opened our mouths. We let what was bothering each of our worlds collide. We shared our emotions, our hopes, our fears. I soon found that what had seemed so heavy didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. I also found that I wanna enjoy every minute of my life. I picked this because the line "say what you NEED to say" really applied to my life today. It just needed to be said. Once my thoughts were words, they seemed so much smaller and useless. I also like the reference to the Bucket List and how we need to enjoy the time that God has given us.

Holiday From Real.

Holiday from Real

I was once walking somewhere. When I walk I tend to conform to my generations norm of earbuds and I-pods. I can't remember what came on but it was the perfect theme to that day. I felt like that song, described my feelings towards that day. What I hoped for. What I feared. It gave me a pace, and ever since then I have found a "song" for my day.
Well, this is my first blog. I want to just have a place to store and share my thoughts. I want a place to keep the beat of the music that is in my life. I don't necessarily mean that in a literal since, but in the since i described be for. Hopes, fears and the such.
Well, its late, so I don't know how much since all that made. I titled this entry "Holiday from Real" because I just came back from a three day stint at the McLeod Homestead. For me, it was a holiday from real. It seems the moment I stepped back into the real though, it hits like a hammer. I feel like I lost something today, that I knew I was going to lose. But when it really happens it kinda takes your breath away and makes you wonder if you're really willing to let go. I don't know what this specifically is, I have so much to lose. But I pray I'll have the strength to live without it if I have to.